








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 983 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 542 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 195 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 108 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




268 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9824 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 57,985 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 19987 | 34% |
| Smokes | 12124 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 15273 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 10601 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,387,515 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4708 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | 50% | 440 |
| #2 | bigblue1124 | 49% | 229 |
| #3 | Johnny Thunder | 48% | 231 |
| #4 | ZAH ZAH | 48% | 86 |
| #5 | Dadhelpmeplz | 47% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Zer0 ☢ | 41% | 204 |
| #8 | sweet hoggins | 40% | 255 |
| #9 | A Wicked Chewna | 39% | 352 |
| #10 | Xtisi | 38% | 93 |
| #11 | Jummy Nutron | 34% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Thunder | 151 | 0.0326 |
| #2 | A Wicked Chewna | 66 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | sweet hoggins | 61 | 0.0118 |
| #4 | fatnuts | 30 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | bigblue1124 | 28 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Wicked Chewna | 1067 | 0.15 | 27 min |
| #2 | Johnny Thunder | 665 | 0.14 | 19 min |
| #3 | sweet hoggins | 614 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #4 | fatnuts | 569 | 0.13 | 20 min |
| #5 | Jim Lahey | 441 | 0.05 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bigblue1124 | +3.33 | 75 | 52 |
| #2 | Johnny Thunder | +2.95 | 50 | 61 |
| #3 | Jummy Nutron | +0.58 | 49 | 52 |
| #4 | fatnuts | -0.13 | 57 | 65 |
| #5 | Jim Lahey | -0.36 | 60 | 37 |





