








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 51 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,892 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 746 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1078 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1390 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1678 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $701,824 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 98 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xophor | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Wheaty | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | fatnuts | 49% | 68 |
| #4 | Jim Lahey | 45% | 33 |
| #5 | A Wicked Chewna | 44% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Jummy Nutron | 42% | 24 |
| #7 | Dadhelpmeplz | 39% | 38 |
| #8 | Zer0 ☢ | 39% | 31 |
| #9 | sweet hoggins | 38% | 77 |
| #10 | Raticus Prime | 38% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Raticus Prime | 17 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | sweet hoggins | 16 | 0.0102 |
| #3 | A Wicked Chewna | 12 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | xophor | 6 | 0.0240 |
| #5 | fatnuts | 3 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Raticus Prime | 784 | 0.41 | 22 min |
| #2 | A Wicked Chewna | 244 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | sweet hoggins | 183 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | fatnuts | 152 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | Zer0 ☢ | 71 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xophor | +6.70 | 88 | 14 |
| #2 | Wheaty | +4.02 | 50 | 61 |
| #3 | Jummy Nutron | +1.67 | 44 | 56 |
| #4 | A Wicked Chewna | +1.53 | 63 | 66 |
| #5 | Jim Lahey | +1.03 | 72 | 40 |





