








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 148 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1558 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,507 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2152 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1739 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1448 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1168 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $335,634 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 235 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kip Carry (Xem/Cem/Snacksexual) | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | holy Paul | 50% | 18 |
| #3 | MickRoss | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Fully Autistic | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Shep Gold | 36% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | MickRoss | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Fully Autistic | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Shep Gold | 36% | 42 |
| #6 | Jeralleto (They/Them) | 33% | 12 |
| #7 | Sarahpride (she/her) | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shep Gold | 18 | 0.0217 |
| #2 | holy Paul | 13 | 0.0371 |
| #3 | MickRoss | 9 | 0.0212 |
| #4 | Fully Autistic | 6 | 0.0141 |
| #5 | Sarahpride (she/her) | 6 | 0.0238 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shep Gold | 138 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | Fully Autistic | 76 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | MickRoss | 72 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | holy Paul | 57 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Sarahpride (she/her) | 43 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holy Paul | +6.61 | 75 | 54 |
| #2 | Sarahpride (she/her) | +5.82 | 75 | 70 |
| #3 | MickRoss | -0.15 | 59 | 57 |
| #4 | Jeralleto (They/Them) | -0.60 | 39 | 45 |
| #5 | Bread | -0.70 | 69 | 58 |





