








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 92 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




88 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2040 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,846 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1943 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1498 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 937 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1468 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $307,886 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shep Gold | 54% | 59 |
| #2 | Bread | 50% | 18 |
| #3 | Grttlolo (balzakie) | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | Fully Autistic | 47% | 115 |
| #5 | Kip Carry (Xem/Cem/Snacksexual) | 46% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fully Autistic | 46 | 0.0194 |
| #2 | Shep Gold | 29 | 0.0244 |
| #3 | Jeralleto (They/Them) | 21 | 0.0160 |
| #4 | THELAW (Xe/Xem) [Non-bin] | 18 | 0.0156 |
| #5 | Grttlolo (balzakie) | 17 | 0.0167 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fully Autistic | 373 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | THELAW (Xe/Xem) [Non-bin] | 214 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | Shep Gold | 160 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Kip Carry (Xem/Cem/Snacksexual) | 91 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Grttlolo (balzakie) | 78 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holy Paul | +5.84 | 74 | 60 |
| #2 | TheLegend27 | +0.72 | 67 | 61 |
| #3 | THELAW (Xe/Xem) [Non-bin] | +0.19 | 47 | 59 |
| #4 | Jeralleto (They/Them) | -0.64 | 46 | 41 |
| #5 | Shep Gold | -1.29 | 54 | 52 |





