








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 557 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 325 matches | ||
| Wingman | 50 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4500 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,881 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6841 | 34% |
| Smokes | 5082 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3383 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 4575 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $960,664 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 303 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hakzz | 63% | 41 |
| #2 | tonz / | 60% | 25 |
| #3 | exel | 60% | 35 |
| #4 | Nidelix | 60% | 62 |
| #5 | ℜ𝔲𝔲𝔟𝔢𝔯𝔱𝔱 ✟ | 59% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nidelix | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Space Pussy | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Pyssyh | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Meggala | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Gangrene | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pyssyh | 266 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #2 | Nidelix | 224 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | kaapo | 201 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Space Pussy | 185 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Meggala | 165 | 0.16 | 4 min |





