








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1326 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 922 matches | ||
| Faceit | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9784 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,253 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8265 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5363 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 8612 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 6013 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,457,529 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 665 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J-Nippy-Plays | 54% | 84 |
| #2 | switch- | 53% | 78 |
| #3 | Fediir | 52% | 83 |
| #4 | New York | 51% | 310 |
| #5 | popeye | 51% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | New York | 20 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Demig0d ☩ -iwnl- | 12 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Vellaa | 11 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | R O T O R | 8 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | popeye | 5 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | New York | 1426 | 0.21 | 40 min |
| #2 | Demig0d ☩ -iwnl- | 877 | 0.13 | 23 min |
| #3 | Vellaa | 696 | 0.17 | 18 min |
| #4 | R O T O R | 510 | 0.09 | 13 min |
| #5 | J-Nippy-Plays | 419 | 0.23 | 10 min |





