








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 91 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 110 matches | ||
| Faceit | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2151 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,042 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3025 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2490 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1826 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1701 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $551,064 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 468 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | 2Nasty | 56% | 111 |
| #9 | Emjay | 56% | 43 |
| #10 | Squ1d_4k | 53% | 17 |
| #11 | reacshun | 50% | 16 |
| #12 | jwg | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mastro | 6 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | D1abetic | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Emjay | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | jwg | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | 2Nasty | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cubed | 459 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #2 | 2Nasty | 318 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #3 | Mastro | 193 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | D1abetic | 136 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Emjay | 106 | 0.13 | 3 min |





