








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 443 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 92 matches | ||
| Premier | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2155 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,062 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2980 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2921 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1869 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2292 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $432,421 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | jwg | 55% | 11 |
| #13 | Rubley | 53% | 36 |
| #14 | Squ1d_4k | 50% | 14 |
| #15 | RAT | 50% | 16 |
| #16 | gaynine xx | 50% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deso | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | D1abetic | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | jwg | 2 | 0.0085 |
| #4 | hyena | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | scooterJ | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deso | 445 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #2 | scooterJ | 160 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | ben | 127 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #4 | kooster | 123 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | D1abetic | 121 | 0.17 | 3 min |





