








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 178 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 123 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2006 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,076 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 732 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1102 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1438 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1804 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $563,006 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Almar :* | 70% | 20 |
| #2 | Knifeka | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | Thelostluck | 66% | 32 |
| #4 | Jazzycakes | 59% | 54 |
| #5 | THEIcemaskin | 59% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Perla | 50% | 10 |
| #9 | Mankind | 50% | 14 |
| #10 | maenpara | 40% | 10 |
| #11 | DeV1Ce | 36% | 11 |
| #12 | LeXmaskinen | 31% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jazzycakes | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Almar :* | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Hazard | 2 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | maenpara | 1 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jazzycakes | 155 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | LeXmaskinen | 121 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Thelostluck | 110 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | Hazard | 52 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | Almar :* | 41 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thelostluck | +2.73 | 75 | 77 |
| #2 | Hazard | +2.37 | 70 | 65 |
| #3 | æla? | +1.29 | 55 | 59 |
| #4 | THEIcemaskin | +1.02 | 58 | 58 |
| #5 | TapiNn | +0.95 | 51 | 43 |





