








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 309 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 72 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3386 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,723 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2232 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2136 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2754 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1601 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,768,789 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 451 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vandal_ | 59% | 22 |
| #2 | Playa_H8ter | 55% | 29 |
| #3 | Skysong | 53% | 38 |
| #4 | FallN | 52% | 66 |
| #5 | -abso|ution- | 50% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | -abso|ution- | 50% | 111 |
| #6 | The_Zombie | 50% | 32 |
| #7 | BeastlyMonkeey | 50% | 36 |
| #8 | Pb | 49% | 93 |
| #9 | Candy Corn Buddah | 43% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -abso|ution- | 9 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Pb | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Candy Corn Buddah | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Skysong | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | BeastlyMonkeey | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skysong | 222 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #2 | FallN | 202 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Pb | 115 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | -abso|ution- | 105 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Playa_H8ter | 54 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vandal_ | +3.60 | 79 | 61 |
| #2 | BeastlyMonkeey | +2.72 | 76 | 50 |
| #3 | Pb | +1.02 | 52 | 54 |
| #4 | -abso|ution- | +0.30 | 60 | 49 |
| #5 | Phantom of the AWP-Bruh | +0.18 | 48 | 55 |





