








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 971 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 765 matches | ||
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




73 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8539 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10271 | 31% |
| Smokes | 7066 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 9127 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 6848 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,856,027 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1269 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knocks | 82% | 429 |
| #2 | Ishtar | 82% | 164 |
| #3 | Ajoyfulpig | 79% | 53 |
| #4 | M1KA | 75% | 582 |
| #5 | Donnie (The Problem) | 74% | 179 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | ROb | 72% | 125 |
| #12 | Firefoxjen | 69% | 314 |
| #13 | Mainmast | 68% | 69 |
| #14 | Sub (The Solution) | 67% | 46 |
| #15 | Ugosplodes | 62% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1KA | 77 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Jedi Ken | 56 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Tyson | 39 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Mazy | 29 | 0.0108 |
| #5 | Knocks | 24 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1KA | 2103 | 0.19 | 56 min |
| #2 | Knocks | 1267 | 0.16 | 40 min |
| #3 | Jedi Ken | 1116 | 0.09 | 32 min |
| #4 | Firefoxjen | 628 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #5 | Donnie (The Problem) | 611 | 0.17 | 19 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ishtar | +3.60 | 99 | 49 |
| #2 | Knocks | +3.13 | 59 | 84 |
| #3 | Mazy | +2.84 | 67 | 61 |
| #4 | Donnie (The Problem) | +2.73 | 77 | 76 |
| #5 | Ajoyfulpig | +2.32 | 73 | 60 |





