








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2256 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 961 matches | ||
| Premier | 176 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




70 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10536 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 53,481 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 15356 | 29% |
| Smokes | 14949 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 11813 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 11363 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,695,296 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2352 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JacobT_ | 83% | 71 |
| #2 | Baked | 83% | 65 |
| #3 | Ochsner | 82% | 429 |
| #4 | chowder | 81% | 134 |
| #5 | Donnie (The Problem) | 79% | 214 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Mazy | 76% | 190 |
| #13 | Ajoyfulpig | 75% | 69 |
| #14 | Tyson | 74% | 307 |
| #15 | ROb | 74% | 147 |
| #16 | Ugosplodes | 65% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1KA | 77 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | Tyson | 52 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | chowder | 44 | 0.0178 |
| #4 | Jedi Ken | 40 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Mazy | 38 | 0.0107 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1KA | 2356 | 0.19 | 64 min |
| #2 | Ochsner | 1566 | 0.19 | 40 min |
| #3 | Jedi Ken | 1231 | 0.08 | 34 min |
| #4 | Donnie (The Problem) | 680 | 0.17 | 20 min |
| #5 | chowder | 654 | 0.26 | 15 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baked | +4.47 | 90 | 45 |
| #2 | Ishtar | +3.78 | 99 | 48 |
| #3 | Knocks | +3.25 | 63 | 84 |
| #4 | Donnie (The Problem) | +3.00 | 76 | 76 |
| #5 | Ajoyfulpig | +2.86 | 73 | 61 |





