








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 625 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3064 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,568 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3194 | 37% |
| Smokes | 577 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 2137 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2660 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $575,080 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 536 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | w | 49% | 43 |
| #7 | Sancho! | 45% | 31 |
| #8 | MEXICAN GOOD LOOKING GUY | 44% | 16 |
| #9 | bigdadszn | 42% | 26 |
| #10 | Lil' Caesar | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w | 6 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Av3nGeR | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Lil' Caesar | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Bigboss | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | nading everybody | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Av3nGeR | 156 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | nading everybody | 114 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | w | 83 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Bigboss | 77 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | MEXICAN GOOD LOOKING GUY | 76 | 0.24 | 1 min |





