








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1102 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 948 matches | ||
| Faceit | 269 matches | ||
| Wingman | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 85 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12801 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 57,206 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 21059 | 37% |
| Smokes | 14355 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 11994 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 9798 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,129,951 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11928 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | ether | 47% | 76 |
| #11 | Alter | 47% | 139 |
| #12 | angle ♥ | 45% | 125 |
| #13 | Sub (The Solution) | 43% | 97 |
| #14 | Sutol☂ | 42% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cow | 77 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Sutol☂ | 33 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | kairos | 18 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | ether | 11 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | edogmega | 9 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cow | 2017 | 0.10 | 51 min |
| #2 | Alter | 767 | 0.26 | 26 min |
| #3 | SUPERORGANISM | 730 | 0.19 | 19 min |
| #4 | Sutol☂ | 430 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #5 | maid | 416 | 0.08 | 12 min |





