








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1561 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1252 matches | ||
| Faceit | 228 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 215 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




157 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
13415 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 58,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11380 | 20% |
| Smokes | 10597 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 20266 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 15855 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,502,585 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18004 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | ether | 44% | 141 |
| #12 | angle ♥ | 43% | 190 |
| #13 | Sub (The Solution) | 43% | 108 |
| #14 | Sutol☂ | 42% | 140 |
| #15 | Pinxpple | 39% | 142 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sutol☂ | 77 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | ether | 34 | 0.0113 |
| #3 | kairos | 31 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | abe | 23 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Alter | 19 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | abe | 5887 | 0.29 | 153 min |
| #2 | Alter | 1322 | 0.24 | 45 min |
| #3 | SUPERORGANISM | 951 | 0.19 | 26 min |
| #4 | Sutol☂ | 823 | 0.08 | 22 min |
| #5 | maid | 556 | 0.08 | 15 min |





