








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 706 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 363 matches | ||
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6460 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,948 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2243 | 14% |
| Smokes | 4553 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4952 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 4200 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,082,529 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 51 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | abe | 52% | 252 |
| #7 | cow | 51% | 326 |
| #8 | kairos | 49% | 72 |
| #9 | Alter | 47% | 170 |
| #10 | Sutol☂ | 42% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cow | 24 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Alter | 13 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Sutol☂ | 7 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | kairos | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Pinxpple | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | abe | 1532 | 0.29 | 41 min |
| #2 | cow | 860 | 0.12 | 25 min |
| #3 | Alter | 860 | 0.23 | 29 min |
| #4 | Sutol☂ | 193 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | SUPERORGANISM | 169 | 0.18 | 5 min |





