








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 300 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 402 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 64 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4394 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,108 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2745 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3423 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3319 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3621 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,208,839 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 173 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | epix | 51% | 290 |
| #11 | EIK3000 | 48% | 23 |
| #12 | Samyyy ツ | 47% | 51 |
| #13 | hijo | 45% | 42 |
| #14 | THE PROFESSOR 8{ | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | epix | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | YokozowneR | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | n1Ls | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | inff. | 2 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | WHEELCHAIR WILLY | 1 | 0.0002 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | epix | 1219 | 0.19 | 32 min |
| #2 | inff. | 1103 | 0.17 | 28 min |
| #3 | tuN1 | 1059 | 0.40 | 24 min |
| #4 | YokozowneR | 779 | 0.27 | 22 min |
| #5 | n1Ls | 487 | 0.30 | 14 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EIK3000 | +2.41 | 79 | 70 |
| #2 | tico | +1.95 | 87 | 70 |
| #3 | tuN1 | +1.94 | 72 | 74 |
| #4 | BRTMX | +1.57 | 81 | 69 |
| #5 | epix | +1.49 | 72 | 70 |





