








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 213 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1814 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,538 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1032 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1867 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1667 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1972 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $766,385 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | enz | 47% | 77 |
| #2 | XMinem | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | bikebotdogboi | 44% | 214 |
| #4 | Notschi | 44% | 217 |
| #5 | nisto'ニスト | 44% | 171 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | XMinem | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | bikebotdogboi | 44% | 214 |
| #4 | Notschi | 44% | 217 |
| #5 | nisto'ニスト | 44% | 171 |
| #6 | w1tcheR | 40% | 124 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Notschi | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | bikebotdogboi | 11 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | nisto'ニスト | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | w1tcheR | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | enz | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Notschi | 1107 | 0.23 | 22 min |
| #2 | bikebotdogboi | 658 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #3 | w1tcheR | 567 | 0.21 | 15 min |
| #4 | nisto'ニスト | 414 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #5 | enz | 192 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w1tcheR | +2.82 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | bikebotdogboi | +1.81 | 75 | 60 |
| #3 | enz | +0.73 | 74 | 59 |
| #4 | XMinem | +0.69 | 56 | 54 |
| #5 | Notschi | +0.50 | 80 | 65 |





