








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 288 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 132 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1950 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,981 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1279 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1743 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2203 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1756 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $517,739 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 364 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooki3 | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | Cal | 76% | 21 |
| #3 | Randyman <3 | 74% | 38 |
| #4 | BarrelDickson | 70% | 57 |
| #5 | Lt. DanielSon | 69% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | noxi | 63% | 19 |
| #12 | CDJ | 63% | 62 |
| #13 | The Reaper | 62% | 34 |
| #14 | WILS♡N | 55% | 31 |
| #15 | Triatomicpeak | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Randyman <3 | 5 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | CDJ | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Lt. DanielSon | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Cal | 3 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | CLB o.O | 3 | 0.0169 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lt. DanielSon | 484 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #2 | CDJ | 200 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | JackaN | 86 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | WILS♡N | 80 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | BarrelDickson | 60 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooki3 | +3.35 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | WILS♡N | +2.65 | 85 | 72 |
| #3 | P4rma | +2.46 | 79 | 68 |
| #4 | chipohippo | +2.44 | 94 | 58 |
| #5 | Lt. DanielSon | +1.26 | 63 | 77 |





