








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 115 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1438 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,489 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1702 | 38% |
| Smokes | 859 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1076 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 852 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $460,426 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doug Fox | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Zoinkers32 | 57% | 46 |
| #3 | ジャラド | 56% | 45 |
| #4 | Sauvage Extraordinair | 50% | 30 |
| #5 | PDF file | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Vintermössa | 44% | 16 |
| #8 | TAYK.47 | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Jarad | 39% | 66 |
| #10 | Steve Zissou | 35% | 20 |
| #11 | Snail Killer | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jarad | 16 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | ジャラド | 15 | 0.0161 |
| #3 | Zoinkers32 | 8 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | Doug Fox | 4 | 0.0194 |
| #5 | PDF file | 3 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jarad | 217 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | Sauvage Extraordinair | 196 | 0.33 | 5 min |
| #3 | ジャラド | 158 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Zoinkers32 | 54 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Steve Zissou | 38 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PDF file | +3.48 | 88 | 51 |
| #2 | Jarad | +2.88 | 60 | 59 |
| #3 | ジャラド | +2.40 | 61 | 60 |
| #4 | Zoinkers32 | +2.36 | 89 | 39 |
| #5 | Vintermössa | +0.43 | 64 | 50 |





