








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1332 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,227 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3341 | 46% |
| Smokes | 2186 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 467 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 1233 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $303,306 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 137 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Zoinkers32 | 42% | 24 |
| #15 | HammerMan | 39% | 28 |
| #16 | Joyce ♥ Onyx | 38% | 16 |
| #17 | Steve Zissou | 33% | 12 |
| #18 | crazyninja | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laa Laa csgopositive.com | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | CNR | 3 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | ジャラド | 3 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | HammerMan | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | ✪ Bremer | 2 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laa Laa csgopositive.com | 117 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #2 | Jarad | 113 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | CNR | 102 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #4 | VegazzZ | 91 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | ✪ Bremer | 78 | 0.15 | 2 min |





