








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
474 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,469 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 578 | 23% |
| Smokes | 652 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 959 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 280 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $118,246 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drako | 40% | 45 |
| #2 | mesmer | 34% | 92 |
| #3 | Hooligan | 33% | 6 |
| #4 | ZyLeX | 28% | 54 |
| #5 | DommyBoBomby | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ZyLeX | 28% | 54 |
| #5 | DommyBoBomby | 25% | 8 |
| #6 | x10 | 25% | 32 |
| #7 | Rambo | 15% | 13 |
| #8 | notenti | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mesmer | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | ZyLeX | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | x10 | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mesmer | 429 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #2 | x10 | 69 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Drako | 25 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | Rambo | 20 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Hooligan | 18 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mesmer | +7.36 | 92 | 77 |
| #2 | x10 | +1.27 | 88 | 64 |
| #3 | Hooligan | +0.88 | 32 | 75 |
| #4 | Drako | -0.38 | 81 | 53 |
| #5 | notenti | -3.35 | 67 | 53 |





