








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 170 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 211 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2546 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2155 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2089 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2394 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $676,542 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 112 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laddr | 71% | 49 |
| #2 | uwuan | 61% | 154 |
| #3 | Adam|Stroud | 57% | 208 |
| #4 | rai | 55% | 148 |
| #5 | Xtamon | 55% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | uwuan | 61% | 154 |
| #3 | Adam|Stroud | 57% | 208 |
| #4 | rai | 55% | 148 |
| #5 | Xtamon | 55% | 60 |
| #6 | Noname | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Adam|Stroud | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | uwuan | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | rai | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Laddr | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Xtamon | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Adam|Stroud | 854 | 0.18 | 22 min |
| #2 | rai | 475 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #3 | uwuan | 410 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | Noname | 206 | 0.37 | 4 min |
| #5 | Laddr | 182 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xtamon | +1.11 | 81 | 58 |
| #2 | rai | +1.06 | 83 | 65 |
| #3 | Xais_ | +1.01 | 87 | 68 |
| #4 | uwuan | +0.52 | 76 | 66 |
| #5 | Laddr | -0.17 | 69 | 52 |





