








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,709 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1394 | 24% |
| Smokes | 986 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 2315 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 1014 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $376,366 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dalphabet | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | Oopsy Coopsy | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | Donnie | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | stew | 52% | 67 |
| #5 | o7Delta | 51% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | steaksausage | 11 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | SloppySeconds | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | stew | 7 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | allthingsruined | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | dalphabet | 3 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | steaksausage | 427 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | stew | 198 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | allthingsruined | 166 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | SloppySeconds | 157 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Legendary Beagle Master | 101 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donnie | +2.62 | 72 | 68 |
| #2 | Fernando | +1.97 | 68 | 44 |
| #3 | stew | +1.96 | 64 | 52 |
| #4 | steaksausage | +1.93 | 47 | 65 |
| #5 | Shuht | +0.56 | 38 | 54 |





