








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 74 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2342 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,520 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1962 | 43% |
| Smokes | 879 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1118 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 561 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $554,764 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Donnie | 54% | 85 |
| #2 | Shuht | 52% | 67 |
| #3 | Oopsy Coopsy | 47% | 19 |
| #4 | allthingsruined | 47% | 43 |
| #5 | steaksausage | 45% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | SloppySeconds | 45% | 92 |
| #7 | dalphabet | 44% | 16 |
| #8 | Legendary Beagle Master | 41% | 58 |
| #9 | anvil & Iron | 38% | 29 |
| #10 | VirusFreak | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | steaksausage | 10 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Shuht | 8 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | SloppySeconds | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Donnie | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Legendary Beagle Master | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | steaksausage | 414 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #2 | Donnie | 139 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Shuht | 132 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Legendary Beagle Master | 117 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | allthingsruined | 111 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stew | +2.80 | 66 | 50 |
| #2 | steaksausage | +1.02 | 41 | 66 |
| #3 | Shuht | +0.59 | 43 | 55 |
| #4 | Donnie | -0.11 | 71 | 63 |
| #5 | Legendary Beagle Master | -0.51 | 32 | 52 |





