








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 145 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Faceit | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1547 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,863 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2933 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2712 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2714 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2504 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $750,026 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 98 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pautos | 63% | 41 |
| #2 | THE_DEAD | 57% | 54 |
| #3 | -Trash | 55% | 86 |
| #4 | NuggetGuardian | 52% | 52 |
| #5 | Wôôpa | 51% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Trash | 483 | 0.26 | 17 min |
| #2 | Chairface | 390 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | Wôôpa | 149 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Pautos | 110 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Birdsong | 100 | 0.10 | 3 min |





