








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,648 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 840 | 32% |
| Smokes | 683 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 598 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 527 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $81,757 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NaughtyWalrus | 8 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | SpecAngle | 4 | 0.0167 |
| #3 | 〖 Reverie 〗 | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | KevlarBurns22 | 3 | 0.0199 |
| #5 | Yuuki | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NaughtyWalrus | 165 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #2 | Yuuki | 110 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | 〖 Reverie 〗 | 78 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | KevlarBurns22 | 25 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | SpecAngle | 14 | 0.06 | 0 min |





