








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 471 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1693 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,299 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2944 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2647 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2582 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2126 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $629,604 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 285 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grandan | 58% | 36 |
| #2 | YoungToast | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | Zorkey | 50% | 182 |
| #4 | fjiuM ツ | 49% | 91 |
| #5 | quals | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | YoungToast | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | Zorkey | 50% | 182 |
| #4 | fjiuM ツ | 49% | 91 |
| #5 | quals | 43% | 28 |
| #6 | Princess Kenneth | 43% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fjiuM ツ | 8 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Zorkey | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Grandan | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | quals | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | YoungToast | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fjiuM ツ | 307 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | Princess Kenneth | 140 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Zorkey | 109 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | Grandan | 47 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | YoungToast | 41 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fjiuM ツ | +6.48 | 86 | 76 |
| #2 | Grandan | +2.84 | 87 | 58 |
| #3 | Zorkey | -0.42 | 68 | 51 |
| #4 | uncle snoop^劈 | -0.91 | 51 | 71 |
| #5 | quals | -1.97 | 59 | 48 |





