








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 71 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
907 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,072 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 670 | 22% |
| Smokes | 937 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 808 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 657 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $221,042 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | bnq | 48% | 62 |
| #7 | ekuB | 47% | 70 |
| #8 | The OG Nibbler | 44% | 39 |
| #9 | Larry Niles | 34% | 38 |
| #10 | Flashmaster Grand | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Billy | 4 | 0.0186 |
| #2 | bnq | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | The OG Nibbler | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Larry Niles | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Public Idiot Number One | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ekuB | 334 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #2 | bnq | 216 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | säynis | 90 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Public Idiot Number One | 73 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | -Billy | 57 | 0.27 | 1 min |





