








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 201 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2435 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,131 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2858 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2573 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2829 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2871 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $483,453 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stripey | 62% | 47 |
| #2 | NoAim*_* | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | PaPah[a]tch | 54% | 61 |
| #4 | SpeedZilla | 54% | 13 |
| #5 | JZA | 48% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | JZA | 48% | 67 |
| #6 | Speedy | 44% | 59 |
| #7 | HalfDutch | 44% | 25 |
| #8 | mongerz | 44% | 25 |
| #9 | Woffel | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JZA | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Stripey | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | mongerz | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Woffel | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JZA | 172 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | PaPah[a]tch | 163 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | mongerz | 110 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #4 | Speedy | 106 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Stripey | 88 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpeedZilla | +3.56 | 77 | 61 |
| #2 | mongerz | +1.86 | 74 | 60 |
| #3 | HappyFeet | +1.37 | 72 | 76 |
| #4 | PaPah[a]tch | +0.68 | 63 | 69 |
| #5 | JZA | +0.27 | 74 | 57 |





