








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1204 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1421 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,557 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1904 | 42% |
| Smokes | 818 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1210 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 625 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $768,734 of utility $232 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 421 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chzaron | 53% | 30 |
| #2 | Tomato | 53% | 97 |
| #3 | Lymes | 45% | 64 |
| #4 | salmonTF | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | SwaTSecK | 41% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SwaTSecK | 140 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Tomato | 116 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | salmonTF | 86 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chzaron | 76 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dave | 32 | 0.12 | 1 min |





