








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 275 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4526 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,341 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8581 | 35% |
| Smokes | 6448 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4910 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4402 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $797,137 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Jayzanity | 53% | 66 |
| #6 | DonIndigo | 52% | 52 |
| #7 | EY-YO CHICO | 51% | 117 |
| #8 | Perndi | 46% | 82 |
| #9 | Drak0n | 44% | 230 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drak0n | 363 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #2 | EY-YO CHICO | 331 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | Perndi | 217 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | Jayzanity | 213 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #5 | Coooookie | 190 | 0.19 | 5 min |





