








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1011 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,299 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1162 | 35% |
| Smokes | 665 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 689 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 783 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $67,740 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xFlound4r | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | mikebee | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | ZachLivesMatter | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | XxReaper454xX | 58% | 45 |
| #5 | I'm on 12 Vicodin | 46% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The one who Knocks | 10 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | Schindyy | 8 | 0.0186 |
| #3 | I'm on 12 Vicodin | 7 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | XxReaper454xX | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | xFlound3r | 2 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The one who Knocks | 146 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | I'm on 12 Vicodin | 120 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | XxReaper454xX | 94 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Schindyy | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | mikebee | 17 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | +2 | +6.28 | 79 | 60 |
| #2 | mikebee | +5.69 | 81 | 39 |
| #3 | The one who Knocks | +1.00 | 50 | 40 |
| #4 | I'm on 12 Vicodin | -0.67 | 34 | 43 |
| #5 | xFlound3r | -0.85 | 51 | 11 |





