








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1204 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1387 matches | ||
| Faceit | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 98 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




65 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
16341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 54,435 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12136 | 22% |
| Smokes | 13304 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 13299 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 15696 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,356,292 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1723 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | krazed -x1- | 59% | 85 |
| #2 | dezark | 59% | 99 |
| #3 | mrkorney | 57% | 272 |
| #4 | DictatorDan | 57% | 122 |
| #5 | Ren0_Loses | 56% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Winsock | 50% | 107 |
| #13 | thats life | 49% | 180 |
| #14 | CLRRRR | 49% | 123 |
| #15 | Stratty's submissive whore | 48% | 108 |
| #16 | WHIFFU | 48% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBreadmeister | 65 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Young Stroker the Body Snatcher | 28 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | Stratty's submissive whore | 23 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Link | 17 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | thats life | 10 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBreadmeister | 4307 | 0.24 | 120 min |
| #2 | Link | 1653 | 0.30 | 49 min |
| #3 | mrkorney | 551 | 0.09 | 16 min |
| #4 | CLRRRR | 378 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #5 | Stratty's submissive whore | 333 | 0.14 | 10 min |





