








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 805 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 484 matches | ||
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 134 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7201 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11730 | 45% |
| Smokes | 8235 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5234 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1151 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,579,774 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1552 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dezark | 60% | 75 |
| #2 | Ren0_Loses | 57% | 47 |
| #3 | Dissonant | 54% | 50 |
| #4 | krazed -x1- | 54% | 41 |
| #5 | thats life | 53% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBreadmeister | 21 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 10 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | thats life | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | CLRRRR | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Ren0_Loses | 4 | 0.0038 |





