








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 158 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 169 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2436 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,884 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3831 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2983 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2888 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3182 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $274,929 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sirFreekish | 70% | 20 |
| #2 | Mamba | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | $ o N^ | 48% | 145 |
| #4 | Chokelele | 46% | 158 |
| #5 | |IF| Mamba | 43% | 176 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | $ o N^ | 48% | 145 |
| #4 | Chokelele | 46% | 158 |
| #5 | |IF| Mamba | 43% | 176 |
| #6 | Copenhagen | 43% | 115 |
| #7 | Cheech | 43% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chokelele | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Cheech | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | |IF| Mamba | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | $ o N^ | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Copenhagen | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chokelele | 892 | 0.27 | 22 min |
| #2 | $ o N^ | 647 | 0.21 | 19 min |
| #3 | Cheech | 363 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | Copenhagen | 296 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #5 | |IF| Mamba | 260 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chokelele | +1.34 | 80 | 72 |
| #2 | $ o N^ | -0.04 | 65 | 87 |
| #3 | |IF| Mamba | -0.42 | 72 | 68 |
| #4 | Certified Tupperware Connoisseur | -0.47 | 61 | 62 |
| #5 | Mamba | -0.53 | 82 | 70 |





