








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 328 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 821 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8433 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 57,315 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 17075 | 30% |
| Smokes | 17141 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 13724 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 9375 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,447,929 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 472 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chokelele | 53% | 282 |
| #2 | Copenhagen | 52% | 169 |
| #3 | |IF| Mamba | 51% | 266 |
| #4 | sirFreekish | 49% | 261 |
| #5 | Certified Tupperware Connoisseur | 48% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Certified Tupperware Connoisseur | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Chokelele | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Cheech | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | |IF| Mamba | 3 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | sirFreekish | 2 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chokelele | 1464 | 0.25 | 37 min |
| #2 | Certified Tupperware Connoisseur | 799 | 0.26 | 15 min |
| #3 | sirFreekish | 600 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #4 | Cheech | 467 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #5 | Copenhagen | 430 | 0.12 | 11 min |





