








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 384 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,518 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5618 | 27% |
| Smokes | 6246 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5302 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3352 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $128,442 of utility $13 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 847 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | racist | 54% | 79 |
| #2 | ✪ BLACKS3A | 49% | 59 |
| #3 | gods drunkest driver | 49% | 197 |
| #4 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 49% | 111 |
| #5 | Light up Skechers | 47% | 205 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | gods drunkest driver | 49% | 197 |
| #4 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 49% | 111 |
| #5 | Light up Skechers | 47% | 205 |
| #6 | hehe | 47% | 75 |
| #7 | blaayblade | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 38 | 0.0163 |
| #2 | racist | 19 | 0.0113 |
| #3 | Light up Skechers | 18 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | gods drunkest driver | 15 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | hehe | 10 | 0.0065 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Light up Skechers | 292 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 229 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | ✪ BLACKS3A | 161 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | gods drunkest driver | 92 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #5 | hehe | 65 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gods drunkest driver | +1.18 | 65 | 30 |
| #2 | ✪ BLACKS3A | +0.62 | 59 | 47 |
| #3 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | +0.34 | 56 | 70 |
| #4 | blaayblade | +0.12 | 71 | 48 |
| #5 | Light up Skechers | -0.03 | 52 | 58 |





