








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 300 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 572 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




75 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6404 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1324 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3432 | 52% |
| HE Grenades | 1202 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 672 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $525,229 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 777 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ BLACKS3A | 58% | 74 |
| #2 | Light up Skechers | 50% | 335 |
| #3 | racist | 50% | 219 |
| #4 | hehe | 50% | 103 |
| #5 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | 49% | 197 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 86 | 0.0191 |
| #2 | racist | 55 | 0.0124 |
| #3 | Light up Skechers | 35 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | 32 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | hehe | 22 | 0.0105 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | 849 | 0.21 | 20 min |
| #2 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 451 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | Light up Skechers | 442 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #4 | ✪ BLACKS3A | 173 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | hehe | 145 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ BLACKS3A | +1.58 | 66 | 47 |
| #2 | gods drunkest driver | +1.44 | 68 | 30 |
| #3 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | +0.58 | 55 | 69 |
| #4 | Light up Skechers | +0.24 | 57 | 59 |
| #5 | blaayblade | +0.13 | 76 | 47 |





