








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 217 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 518 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




103 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3986 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,849 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 442 | 6% |
| Smokes | 1110 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2929 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 2368 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,579,363 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5508 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hehe | 56% | 52 |
| #2 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | 54% | 79 |
| #3 | Light up Skechers | 51% | 189 |
| #4 | gods drunkest driver | 50% | 219 |
| #5 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 47% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | 54% | 79 |
| #3 | Light up Skechers | 51% | 189 |
| #4 | gods drunkest driver | 50% | 219 |
| #5 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 47% | 139 |
| #6 | blaayblade | 38% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 59 | 0.0207 |
| #2 | gods drunkest driver | 37 | 0.0083 |
| #3 | Light up Skechers | 26 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | 24 | 0.0145 |
| #5 | blaayblade | 9 | 0.0088 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | 398 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #2 | SuzieUppedTheUzi | 302 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Light up Skechers | 260 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | hehe | 78 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | gods drunkest driver | 76 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hehe | +3.04 | 67 | 44 |
| #2 | gods drunkest driver | +2.35 | 68 | 26 |
| #3 | Emir That Weighs Quite a Ton | +1.15 | 57 | 70 |
| #4 | Light up Skechers | +0.54 | 53 | 60 |
| #5 | blaayblade | +0.21 | 76 | 45 |





