








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1421 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,200 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 620 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1963 | 47% |
| HE Grenades | 607 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1010 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $563,095 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ulstr_- | 47% | 57 |
| #2 | m0joe_- | 45% | 29 |
| #3 | PapaWarbucks | 43% | 113 |
| #4 | Brrrrrrrrrr | 42% | 19 |
| #5 | Steven H. Dee | 39% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PapaWarbucks | 74 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #2 | ulstr_- | 74 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Brrrrrrrrrr | 31 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | boak | 17 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | m0joe_- | 14 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PapaWarbucks | +2.53 | 59 | 63 |
| #2 | m0joe_- | +2.17 | 58 | 54 |
| #3 | boak | +0.62 | 59 | 39 |
| #4 | Brrrrrrrrrr | +0.26 | 59 | 56 |
| #5 | ulstr_- | -0.35 | 45 | 62 |





