








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 534 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 599 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6483 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,065 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2593 | 14% |
| Smokes | 6004 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 5078 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4390 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,059,749 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2008 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛧𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗⛧ | 55% | 88 |
| #2 | nepeta | 51% | 188 |
| #3 | PapaWarbucks | 51% | 190 |
| #4 | ulstr_- | 49% | 335 |
| #5 | boak | 48% | 369 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | boak | 48% | 369 |
| #6 | ุุุBAREFOOTER | 48% | 54 |
| #7 | Brrrrrrrrrr | 46% | 247 |
| #8 | Celly | 42% | 53 |
| #9 | Rockyrhoads | 37% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boak | 87 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | Brrrrrrrrrr | 29 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | nepeta | 18 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Celly | 11 | 0.0095 |
| #5 | ulstr_- | 10 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ulstr_- | 509 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #2 | boak | 324 | 0.04 | 8 min |
| #3 | nepeta | 313 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #4 | Brrrrrrrrrr | 274 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #5 | Celly | 190 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boak | +1.58 | 60 | 47 |
| #2 | m0joe_- | +1.13 | 57 | 53 |
| #3 | PapaWarbucks | +1.10 | 56 | 66 |
| #4 | ⛧𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗⛧ | -0.10 | 73 | 38 |
| #5 | Brrrrrrrrrr | -0.26 | 59 | 52 |





