








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
876 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,174 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1020 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1151 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1250 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 753 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $434,142 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Foxtrot | 51% | 61 |
| #2 | Tony Tortellini | 47% | 94 |
| #3 | Naxty | 46% | 72 |
| #4 | nack | 44% | 118 |
| #5 | Pink Gorilla | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tony Tortellini | 9 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | nack | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Naxty | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Foxtrot | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | ۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞.tulab[7o2] | 2 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tony Tortellini | 373 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #2 | nack | 202 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | Naxty | 113 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Foxtrot | 94 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Pink Gorilla | 56 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Foxtrot | +2.99 | 79 | 64 |
| #2 | ۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞۞.tulab[7o2] | +1.20 | 72 | 55 |
| #3 | nack | +1.02 | 58 | 64 |
| #4 | Naxty | +0.88 | 53 | 63 |
| #5 | Hassan Al Bigdaddi | -0.95 | 55 | 57 |





