










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 389 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
692 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,253 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 602 | 48% |
| Smokes | 221 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 422 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 8 | 1% |
Our logs show you have wasted $461,050 of utility $289 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hypzotix | 41% | 73 |
| #2 | Quiet | 40% | 75 |
| #3 | conor | 29% | 14 |
| #4 | Mike Hoxwolen | 24% | 17 |
| #5 | ♿ | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Quiet | 40% | 75 |
| #3 | conor | 29% | 14 |
| #4 | Mike Hoxwolen | 24% | 17 |
| #5 | ♿ | 17% | 12 |
| #6 | FlickOfDaWrist | 0% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quiet | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Mike Hoxwolen | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quiet | 324 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | Mike Hoxwolen | 62 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | conor | 18 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Hypzotix | 12 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | ♿ | 6 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quiet | +5.17 | 90 | 60 |
| #2 | GRIMYGUAM | +0.75 | 56 | 50 |
| #3 | ♿ | -3.40 | 39 | 25 |
| #4 | FlickOfDaWrist | -3.88 | 12 | 47 |
| #5 | Hypzotix | -4.59 | 36 | 6 |





