










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
74 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 142 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 25 | 18% |
| Smokes | 35 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 58 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 24 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $76,475 of utility $282 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Mike Hoxwolen | 33% | 6 |
| #3 | conor | 33% | 9 |
| #4 | Quiet | 27% | 11 |
| #5 | Hypzotix | 27% | 11 |
| #6 | GRIMYGUAM | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quiet | 1 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quiet | 46 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #2 | GRIMYGUAM | 29 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mike Hoxwolen | 25 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #4 | conor | 14 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Hypzotix | 5 | 0.02 | 0 min |





