








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 409 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




55 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3400 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5659 | 34% |
| Smokes | 5450 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2348 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 3172 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $503,395 of utility $57 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 622 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Imma Dog | 39% | 84 |
| #6 | acoustic fresh toast | 37% | 155 |
| #7 | wizzLe ✩ | 36% | 111 |
| #8 | +T3kNiQue | 35% | 95 |
| #9 | ¤Space¤Monkey¤ | 34% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Dr Pepper | 12 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | wizzLe ✩ | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | acoustic fresh toast | 8 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Imma Dog | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | ¤Space¤Monkey¤ | 5 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | acoustic fresh toast | 371 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | Imma Dog | 248 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Dr. Dr Pepper | 208 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | wizzLe ✩ | 183 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | +T3kNiQue | 114 | 0.06 | 3 min |





