








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 532 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 171 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 156 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 150 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 119 matches | ||
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




78 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7796 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 39,828 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9104 | 23% |
| Smokes | 11927 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 10919 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 7878 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,437,680 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | King.Bread | 43% | 84 |
| #6 | +T3kNiQue | 40% | 307 |
| #7 | Imma Dog | 39% | 67 |
| #8 | ImDrunky | 37% | 155 |
| #9 | wizzLe ✩ | 27% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Dr Pepper | 747 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | ImDrunky | 405 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | +T3kNiQue | 353 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #4 | PsYcHo | 204 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | Imma Dog | 165 | 0.13 | 4 min |





