








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 259 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3756 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,732 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4538 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2789 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 4239 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3166 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,019,778 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 236 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | ImDrunky | 39% | 84 |
| #11 | Dr. Dr Pepper | 39% | 54 |
| #12 | acoustic fresh toast | 39% | 67 |
| #13 | +T3kNiQue | 38% | 101 |
| #14 | A Big Poop | 31% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☮ Stonezy ☮ ⇆ | 12 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | A Big Poop | 7 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | wizzLe ✩ | 6 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | acoustic fresh toast | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Dr. Dr Pepper | 5 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☮ Stonezy ☮ ⇆ | 577 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | ImDrunky | 213 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | A Big Poop | 165 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | acoustic fresh toast | 158 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | +T3kNiQue | 151 | 0.07 | 4 min |





