








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1022 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 93 matches | ||
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 93 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




93 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5046 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,701 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7345 | 31% |
| Smokes | 7458 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5295 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3603 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,627,625 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3182 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | acoustic fresh toast | 21 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Dr. Zaya | 14 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | walterdarby | 12 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | ImDrunky | 10 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | King.Bread | 9 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | acoustic fresh toast | 462 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | King.Bread | 320 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | IBirh | 252 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | ImDrunky | 223 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | walterdarby | 197 | 0.11 | 4 min |





