








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 391 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 210 matches | ||
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 92 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1821 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,463 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3305 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4056 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2997 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3105 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $498,408 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 72 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nicki_G | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | Suk Mike Hok | 64% | 53 |
| #3 | ︻芫 -🚽 ✂ ⋃ Herden⭕⃤☜☯☞ | 64% | 25 |
| #4 | لوحة المفاتيح العربية | 62% | 29 |
| #5 | Mic | 61% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #17 | Xplized | 40% | 42 |
| #18 | Cardan | 40% | 35 |
| #19 | .Hyuuga | 38% | 21 |
| #20 | FuttePower | 35% | 17 |
| #21 | KirstenP <3 | 35% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | لوحة المفاتيح العربية | 7 | 0.0126 |
| #2 | Wild-Jam | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Xplized | 5 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | PEST | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | vilderen^ | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wild-Jam | 278 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #2 | PEST | 226 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | save | 168 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | BC | 149 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | Xawn | 91 | 0.08 | 2 min |





